Let the old me shine through!

 

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Just because you have a chronic illness doesn’t mean that life stops. It may feel like your’e wading through a puddle of treacle without any wellies but, it doesn’t stop, honestly!

Sometimes, trying to look good can be challenging when you have multiple sclerosis, especially when you are feeling crappy, but I’m up for the challenge!

It’s been a long standing joke between MFH and our children, that I always wore makeup & nail varnish every day – yes EVERY DAY, I wouldn’t even leave home without my lippy on! Why then, should now I have MS be any different?

Having a chronic illness does not mean I have to look like Waynetta Slob!

I think some people often wonder why on earth I would want to wear makeup, “do” my hair and make an effort, if I’m having a crappy MS day and struggling with it.  I know what they’re thinking “if you’re really feeling shitty, then you shouldn’t you  look like it too” – but I beg to differ!

After a long time of being unwell and more often than not stuck in bed (it’s been almost 18 months since the MS shit hit the preferable fan) you begin to feel like you’re losing your identity and the last threads of the person you used to be.

Now that most of the things that made me feel good as a person have deserted me – there’s only one thing that consistently makes me feel brighter (not better – I always have to point out there is actually a huge difference between the two “B” words!) …Slapping on my makeup, my war paint if you like. If I’m going to fight this bloody illness, I’m damn sure I’m going to look good doing it! (I’ll give it a bloody good go anyway) MS has after all, taken away everything else and it’s not taking my self-esteem, I’m giving a well deserved two fingered salute to MS if you like!

It may seem silly, unnecessary and possibly to some, inappropriate but I don’t give two hoots and it’s something I can still do without help –ooh get me, Miss Independent! God knows what I’d look like if I had to ask MFH to do my makeup – he’d have a good go but the words “dogs dinner” spring to mind!

When I pass a mirror I don’t want to be reminded of how awful I look and feel. I want to say “feeling shitty but looking pretty” Sarah 1 – MS 0 – Woop Woop!

On my worst days, when I feel beyond shitty and MS has backed me into the proverbial corner, it’s looking like the old me that ultimately makes me feel, and dare I say, look better!  The “real” me, not the me with a chronic illness, baring down on me relentlessly.

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Some days it’s not easy put my makeup on, perhaps my face is uber sensitive or my hands are shaky but the end result is worth it, if only in my eyes. I look in the mirror and I can see a glimpse of the person I used to be.

I’d like to think that people don’t just see me as “that person who’s chronically ill,” Dig beneath the knackered, pain riddled façade and its still me – you hoo!

I’m not trying to hide my distress or disability with makeup, I’m just trying to let the old “ME” shine through, even if just for a fleeting moment.

Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to have a little rant!

The one thing seriously pisses me off, is when MS sufferers are dismissed as being OK and can’t possibly be as ill as they make out, just because they look fine to others –  you can be chronically ill and wear make up – get over it!

If ever you’ve been told “Well, you look OK, you can’t feel that bad.”  Gracefully remind these selfish tossers that, If you see us looking even a little like our old selves, don’t jump to conclusions about how we are feeling, say something positive and life affirming and remember— “I’M STILL FUCKING ILL AND GOING THROUGH HELL”! We all wear some sort of battle armour to fight the rotten bugger, MS and some of us MS warriors, wear our war paint to face the enemy head on!

Don’t get me wrong, some days (more often than not) my tormentor – MS, wins the battle of wills and I can’t summon up the energy to “do” my make up and hair – so what, who cares – I just avoid mirrors and people!!

Needless to say, we are all beautiful whether you wear makeup or not!

 

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “Let the old me shine through!

  1. Hi there I’m a slob but I’ve always been a slob. When I do have a night out and put on the war paint I do feel great and recently went to a party with people that hadn’t seen me for a few years. One guy who is Fb friend still, said something like you are looking fabulous I didn’t know if you would be able to come wasn’t sure how you were these days how is the MS. Thanks for reminding me. It annoys me as I feel guilty that I look well but don’t feel normal does this make sense. Great blog by the way.

    Like

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